A Five-Minute Meditation for When Someone Messages to Borrow Money

Nine ten. The nail salon had just had its shutter pulled halfway down, the smell of acetone still clung to my shirt, and my hands were dusted with silver powder. I dropped onto the red plastic stool, pulled out my phone to check the time, and saw Thu's name come up on Zalo.

"Nhi, could I borrow a little money? I'll pay you back at the end of the month."

I read it and my stomach tightened. Not because of an amount, Thu had not named one. Only because I knew I was about to do something hard, and whichever way I did it, someone would be hurt.

"If I lend, I'll worry. If I don't, Thu will be angry."

"But who says Thu will be angry."

"But who says I'll worry."

I sat there with silver dust still on my hands, staring at the message with no idea what to say. In the end I turned the phone face down on my lap, looked out at the road, listened to the motorbikes going past, and did nothing at all.

This is how I sit with that moment, for five minutes.

It is not here to decide for you whether to lend, and it will not tell you which feeling is the right one. Some people lend and feel at peace, some refuse and feel at peace, some land halfway on both. All it gives you is a pause, so that the answer you send is yours, not the answer of a tightening stomach.

Before you begin

Choose somewhere to sit. A chair, the edge of a bed, a doorstep, any of them will do. Standing is fine too if you are out on the street, as long as both feet have something to rest on.

You can read it silently, read it aloud, or record your own voice and play it back. Eyes open or closed, either way. If closing your eyes makes you uneasy, open them and rest your gaze on one fixed spot on the floor.

There is no need to hold your breath or take deep breaths. Let the breath be as it already is. If sitting still makes you feel worse than when you started, stop, stand up and walk a few steps, or wash your face. You can stop at any time, and the practice will still be here next time.

The guided part

Sitting down

Find a place to sit.
A chair, the edge of a bed, a doorstep.
Anywhere will do.

Put your phone face down beside you.
Or hold it, that is fine too.

Eyes open or closed, either is fine.
If closing them feels uncomfortable,
open them, rest on one spot on the floor.

Noticing where you are

Your feet touch the floor.
Feel where they make contact.
Cool, or warm. Hard, or soft.
Only notice, nothing to change.

The breath goes on by itself…
No need to make it deeper.
No need to make it slower.
You are only sitting beside it for a while.

Looking at the message inside you

That message is still there.
No need to answer yet.
No need to decide anything.

Now try naming the feeling.
Maybe it is guilt.
Maybe it is irritation.
Maybe it is tenderness.
Maybe it is fear of losing a friend.
Maybe it is several of these, stacked up.

No need to pick which is the real one.
Just say quietly:
yes, I am feeling this.

Pause for a moment…
Let it be there.

A gap between the message and the reply

Between the message and the reply
there is a gap.
This gap does not belong to anyone.

Your friend is not here.
The number in your account is not here either.
Only you, and this seat.

Ask yourself gently:
how much longer do I need
before I answer?
An hour. Half a day. Until tomorrow.
Any of those is fine.

Closing

Feel your feet again.
Feel your back against the chair.
Listen for one sound around you.
A motorbike in the alley, the neighbour's television.

When you feel ready,
open your eyes if they were closed.
Pick up the phone.

Reply with whatever is true.
Even something like:
let me think about it, I will message you tomorrow evening.

The full version is five minutes; this one takes a single minute, for the times a message arrives in the middle of a shift and there is nowhere to sit. The first time, many people find five minutes longer than expected, and some find the message just as heavy as before. That is ordinary. After about a week, some notice the gap between the message and the reply is easier to see, meaning they stop pressing send while the stomach is still tight. Others notice nothing yet, and that is fine too.

The easy place to slip is using this to find the correct answer, or to talk yourself into lending or refusing. It is tempting because everyone wants the matter finished and tidy. But a meditation has no prize at the end. Instead, treat it as a seat to sit on, and look only at which feeling is there. What to reply can wait until after you stand up.

If you are often asked for things and find it hard to say no, saying no without apologizing three times is another piece about something close to this. And if the hard part is replying to messages in general, breathing before replying to a message offers a different way in.

If you try it and nothing seems to happen

The first common reason: you sit still but your head keeps running the sums, how much, when would it be repaid, what if it is not. This is not a sign you are doing it wrong. The sums will keep running, and you simply return to your feet on the floor, again and again. There is no need to stop them.

The second reason: the heaviness is really not about one message. If you have been worried about money for weeks, or debts are throwing off your eating and sleeping, then five minutes of sitting is not enough, and it should not replace talking with a professional, such as a financial counsellor or someone who works with emotions. You do not have to carry that alone.

Some people do not suit sitting still and find it makes the message heavier. For them, a walk to the end of the alley and back, or washing a few glasses, is often easier. Same job, choose the way that fits.

At that moment I did not reply to Thu straight away, and that was all right. The message was not going anywhere.

Half an hour later I wrote back: "Let me think about it, I will answer tomorrow, okay?" Then I went to wash my hands.