A Meditation for Sending Kind Wishes to a Difficult Person

11 at night, the phone lights up. The work group chat, and his name sits on the top line. My thumb stops in mid-air, not yet touching the screen, and I can already feel my jaw tighten.

"What has he done to deserve me thinking well of him."

"I never said think well of him. I only said don't take him to bed with you."

Those two sentences ran back and forth in my head a few times, then I put the phone down and sat up. What follows is the eight minutes I sat like that, written to be read slowly, or read aloud to you by someone else. It sends one small kind wish to a person who irritates you: the one across the desk who makes sarcastic remarks, who answers messages with a single "ok," who cuts across your sentence in a meeting. It does not ask you to forgive, it does not ask you to like them, and it cannot change the other person. I tried it a few times. Sometimes my heart felt lighter, sometimes I was only more annoyed. Both are normal.

And this has an exit, placed right at the start. If the person you are thinking of has ever harmed you, insulted you again and again, threatened you, or hit you, you do not have to send them any wish. Stopping here is the right thing to do. This practice owes you nothing, and you owe it nothing. Choose only someone who irritates you, not someone who frightens you.

Sit or lie down, either is fine. Where you see a …, pause for a few breaths. Read the guidance slowly, in a low voice, and there is no need to finish it in one sitting.

Settling in

Sit wherever you like. …
The edge of the bed, a plastic chair, a doorstep. …
Let both feet touch the floor.

If you want, close your eyes. …
If not, rest your gaze on one spot below.

Notice the breath that is already here. …
You do not need to change it.

Breathe in … knowing you are breathing in.
Breathe out … knowing you are breathing out.

Two more times. … …

Notice both shoulders. … Let them drop a little.
Notice your jaw. … Let your teeth part.

This practice has an exit.
Whenever you want to stop, you stop. …
Open your eyes, drink some water. That is all.
You do not have to explain it to anyone.

Sending the wish

First, send it to yourself. …
Rest one hand on your chest, if you like.

Say quietly in your mind:
May I be at ease. …
May I feel lighter. …
May I have enough strength for today.

Stay with those three lines for a while. … …

Now think of someone easy to love. …
Someone you feel lighter around.
A young cousin. … The woman who sells coffee. …
Or the cat lying outside the house.

Send them the same three lines. …
May you be at ease. …
May you feel lighter. …
May you have enough strength for today.

Notice how your heart is. …
A little warmer? … Or nothing yet?
Either is fine.

The next step is the hard one. …
If you do not want it today, you can stop here. …
The practice is still whole.

If you want to go on, choose someone who irritates you. …
Only irritates. …
Do not choose someone who has harmed you. …
That person does not need to appear here.

Picture them far away. …
At the desk across from yours. … In the group chat. …
Anywhere, as long as it is far.

See them as a person. …
Some mornings they are tired too. …
Some meals they eat in a hurry. …
You do not know all of their story.

If you are ready, say quietly:
May that person be at ease. …
May that person feel lighter.

You do not have to like them. …
This is only a wish.

If that sentence catches in your throat, use this one instead:
May I not carry them home tonight.

If irritation rises, let it be there. …
Do not chase it, do not feed it. …
Come back to the breath, or stop the practice.

Closing

Come back to the breath. …
Breathe in. … Breathe out.

Come back inward. …
Just three breaths.

Feel both feet on the floor again. …
Gently move your fingers.

You may see them again later. …
You may not. …
The wish does not make you soften.

When you are ready, open your eyes. …
Slowly.

May tonight be gentle with you.

Some people get as far as the easy person and feel that is enough, and stop there. That is valid. Some people, when they think of the difficult one, see the face so clearly they cannot sit still. That is fine too: open your eyes and stand up. You can come back another day, or never come back to this practice, and nobody is grading you.

On a busy day when you still want to try, here is the short version. Fifteen seconds is enough.

When to seek professional support

This is a short meditation for setting down one irritating thing from the day. It cannot replace treatment, and I am not promising it will end your anger or your dread of the other person.

But here are a few signs you should bring to a professional, rather than carrying them alone:

• The person you are thinking of regularly insults you, threatens you, or makes you feel unsafe, and that is not something to practise kind wishes for but something that needs support
• Irritation or heaviness around one person takes up most of your day for weeks, affecting your sleep, eating or work
• You find yourself afraid of meeting them, to the point of avoiding your workplace or your home
• You think about hurting yourself, even if it is just a passing thought

The last point cannot wait. Speak with someone you trust, today. The Emergency Support page explains what holds true in moments like that.

Reaching out to a professional because of a hard relationship does not mean you are weak, or that you are wrong.

This article was created with AI assistance.