Four common misconceptions about impermanence

I used to think understanding impermanence was a difficult thing.

Now I think differently: understanding it isn't hard. What's hard is understanding it correctly — because there are a few misconceptions that sound remarkably like wisdom, and false ideas that sound wise are the hardest ones to let go of.

I have believed all four of the points below — some for a few months, one for nearly two years.

Misconception 1: Impermanence is a religious matter

❌ "That belongs to Buddhism; I don't follow that religion, so it has nothing to do with me."

✅ Impermanence is not a doctrine you need to believe in. It is a description of reality, and that description holds true whether you believe it or not.

The table in your home is aging right now. Your skin cells are regenerating. Your closest friend this year does not think identically to how they did last year.

There is nothing to believe here. There is only whether you choose to observe it or not.

💡 Try it now: look around the room, find an item you use every day, and look for one trace of time on it — a worn edge, a scratch, a faded color. That's it. You have just observed impermanence without needing to follow anything.

Misconception 2: Understanding impermanence means no longer making plans

❌ "Everything changes anyway, so why bother planning ahead?"

✅ This sounds open-minded, but it confuses two very different things: making plans and clinging to outcomes.

Planning is simply responsible living. Booking a ticket, saving money, scheduling a dental checkup — these are all quiet acts of kindness we extend to ourselves next month.

What impermanence points to isn't don't plan. It says: between the plan and the outcome, there lies a space you cannot control.

People who understand this still make plans. It's just that when a plan breaks, they take far less time to stand back up — because they never signed a binding contract with the future.

💡 Try it now: the next time you make a plan, add one line: "If this doesn't work out, I am still okay because…" Finish writing that sentence. If you find it impossible to write, you might be holding on more tightly than you realize.

Misconception 3: Once you understand it, you won't suffer anymore

❌ "Why have I read so many books yet I still feel so hurt?"

✅ This is the misconception that causes many people to give up, because it turns ongoing pain into evidence of personal failure.

Understanding a truth and living it in daily life are two very different journeys. The second journey is much longer, and it isn't traveled with the head.

You can understand perfectly well that everyone eventually passes away, and still collapse when you lose someone. Those two things are not in conflict. Understanding is not body armor.

It performs a much smaller role: shortening the moment you ask "why me?"

Sharing the same insight with Healing Is Not Fixing — the goal isn't to stop hurting, but to stop treating your pain as a flaw.

💡 Try it now: the next time you catch yourself thinking "I know all this, so why am I still sad?", change it to "I know all this, and I am still sad." Just one word.

Misconception 4: Detach from everything to avoid suffering

This is the heaviest one, and the reason I wrote this piece.

❌ "Everything passes eventually, so don't get too attached to anyone."

That line sounds deep. It carries the rhythm of ancient wisdom. I believed it for nearly two years.

During those two years, I texted less often, left invitations open-ended, and whenever someone got close too quickly, I took a step back. I called it non-attachment.

It wasn't non-attachment. It was fear, wearing a beautiful coat.

✅ Here is where the misunderstanding lies: impermanence says everything will change. It never said everything is worthless.

A beautiful afternoon will come to an end. That doesn't make the afternoon any less beautiful while it is happening. If you close your blinds because you know twilight is coming, what you lose isn't the night — it's the entire afternoon.

And there is a bitter irony: the person who withdraws to avoid pain still hurts just as much. They simply hurt from emptiness instead of loss. The exact same cost, with nothing received in return.

In the piece It Will Pass Is a Broken Comfort, I wrote something I'd like to restate clearly here: pain is the receipt of having truly cared. Someone who never attaches pays no bill — but they've never bought anything either.

💡 Try it now: think of a friend you've been keeping at a distance for no clear reason. Send them a message, any message. It doesn't need to be long. Just to see if that step back was a choice or a reflex.

Don't take my word for it

I didn't read these four misconceptions in a book. I believed each of them, lived with them for a while, and eventually watched them fail to stand up.

So don't just take my word for it.

Take whichever one feels most like you, try it out for a week, and see for yourself.

Impermanence doesn't need anyone to defend it. It is already moving while you read this sentence — in the table, in the person you love, in yourself.

The only choice left for us is whether we choose to see it.

This article was created with AI assistance.