The Bamboo Broom at Five in the Morning

My grandfather kept hours nobody could adjust. At five every morning he went out to the yard with a bamboo broom and swept the almond leaves. I stayed at his house for a few summers, and the broom was the first thing I heard each morning, before the roosters. He died in August. I did not know I was waiting for that sound until one morning I woke halfway and heard the exact place where it used to be.

Five in the morning,
the yard has no bamboo broom
sweeping back and forth
across damp tiles.

I lie under the blanket
listening to a gap
the exact shape
of a man sweeping.

Almond leaves fall all night.
By morning they lie still,
nobody gathering them,
nobody saying "leave it, I will sweep".

I go out and pick up the broom,
its bamboo handle worn smooth
in the exact place his hand held it.
My hand is smaller,
and fits half of that worn place.

I sweep one corner of the yard.
The sound is not the sound he made.
But the yard has a sound.

I am not writing this poem to conclude anything. Sweeping a yard is a small task, it cannot replace a person, and I do not think it has to. But some losses do not sit in the big places like the funeral or the anniversary. They sit in a sound at five in the morning that only the people in the house can tell is missing.

If you have a sound like that, you do not have to do anything with it. Some people like to write it down, and writing memories in gratitude for the departed is one way. Some people only need to cry on a rainy morning, and the rainy season and the tears allowed to fall speaks to exactly that.

When to seek professional support

This article is a short poem about a sound that is gone. It cannot replace the support of a professional, and I am not promising it will make missing someone any lighter.

But here are a few signs you should bring to a professional, rather than carrying them alone:

• For weeks you have not been able to sleep, or you wake in the middle of the night, even after trying many things
• For weeks you have felt numb, unable to feel anything, even things that used to make you glad
• The missing is so heavy that you cannot manage everyday tasks or do not want to see anyone
• You think about hurting yourself, even if it is just a passing thought

The last point cannot wait. Speak with someone you trust, today. The Emergency Support page explains what holds true in moments like that.

Seeing a professional while you carry a heavy missing is a normal thing to do, and not a sign that you are weak.

This article was created with AI assistance.